Hello

Hello. It's been a long time since I posted and I am not going to apologize. I am tired of putting others in front of me. I really do. It's been like that for the last fifteen or sixteen years. I have put off writing entries in this blog because I realized I wasn't writing for me but for you and need to be more selfish. I needed a break but now realized it was therapeutic writing what I felt.

I, finally, graduated college. I just applied to some grad schools, hopefully, it'll workout. I have applied to some jobs but it's hard to get interviews. I keep on plugging away but sometime in my gut I just want to give up. There's a person who pulls me back up when I am down. I trust this person more than anyone else and wouldn't trade them for anything.

There's a fact that I read it states: "During a relationship you lose two friends". I felt like when my friends got into their relationship that I was one of the friends. But the one's that hurt was my roommate, Kash, and my cousin, Naveen. Naveen got married in March of 2010, I knew this was going to happen, but he said it wouldn't. He stopped calling or attempting to talk to me for a few months. I left messages and rarely got responses. He called when it was convenient for him. He still does it, I honestly don't know if it's on purpose or not. Kash got married in October of 2011. In the beginning of his relationship (2005), he would abandon all of our plans for her. I understood that at the time but it progressively got worse as time went on. He wondered what he did wrong when I confronted him. After we all moved out (2007), he barely talked to me , although I called and left texts. Finally we started to get back in touch in 2009 and has been great since.

My mom has been sick off and on for the past decade and a half. I have been taking care of the family since. I really want to live life. I felt like I did my fair share and move on. I want to get a job, get married, and start a family. I feel like if I did that my family won't survive, because the last time I left it almost fell apart. I am getting up there in age haven't experience anything in life. This is the time for me to be selfish. I have goals setup for the next three years of my life. I will accomplish them. I have confidence in myself to get the job done. I don't care what anybody says.

Life is short....

A death of a friend, Kemp, who left us too soon has changed my perspective on life. You just never know which day will be your last. Life is so fragile. Make sure in your life that nobody is taken for granted. Keep in touch with loved ones at any cost. Don't have any regrets on how you live your life. A person could be loving, caring, loyal and can do everything right in life; still can be taken away in a single moment. One mistake by a single person can change so many lives. He was murdered by a coward. He cornered him, and shot him at point-blank range. And for what? Because he couldn't control his own life and didn't blame himself for his problems but he blamed someone else who didn't do anything wrong. He killed him, ran, got caught and killed himself. He killed the wrong person, who he thought was having an affair with is wife. It was a classic case of wrong place, wrong time. Kemp was a good person, he always had his friend's back. He was a big guy, who I thought was invincible, but I was wrong. It hurts to see his family mourn his loss at a young age. So much potential is gone just like that. Life is short, you never know when the end is coming. It could be today or fifty years from now. So, do everything that you ever wanted whenever you can. Kemp, you will be missed, and I know you'll be looking down on us. We'll do everything in our power to make you proud.