ME time....

Hey....y'all. What a horrific month. My mom has been in the hospital for most of this month. Her health hasn't been doing well these past few months, now they found the problem. Hopefully, she'll be out soon. I, finally, got a call form six flags about the job, got training setup for Tuesday. That's the only good news I've had in awhile. It's been pretty much a sucky month with the weather being so hot. King of Pop, Ed McMahon, and Farrah Fawcett died and so many other untimely deaths. I found out I didn't get an internship, my files are lost at the college (didn't know I existed). This whole summer is shot, due to my mom's health, my job, and other things. I, badly, want this month to end.

I just hate it when people say "it's going to be alright" or "stay positive". I mean how long can anyone wait, when they do everything right and nothing goes right. hmm....When everything still goes wrong even after you did everything that is possible. While, it seems, that others are barely doing anything and it works out for them. They don't even deserve it but they get it. I always put others before me, but I think that's my downfall. I tried to keep everybody happy and it never works. If one's happy, the other is not. It's a constant cycle.Where's me time? If I do get that, it's usually too short. In the end, I didn't take care of myself. I feel like "I" have to do everything or 'cuz nobody will help. Nobody asks if I need a vacation or a break. hmm.... People depended on me and I liked that. But when I need help it seems like none is to be found. Is it just me or is that how people behave now-a-days? Example: I was told to do something, so I did it my way. Thinking I got the job done, at low cost and efficiently, it was good enough. Nope, that wasn't good because it wasn't their way of doing it. I am sick an tired beyond belief of this s**t. I don't feel respected. I don't feel appreciated of the things I have done. All I hear is, "you've failed, you should be ashamed", etc. Especially, from the ones I care about and that what hurts the most. Maybe I need to deal with whatever I have inside because I might blow and it sucks. Who do I have to talk to? Everybody has their own problems, I understand, but they also have an outlet. Where's mine? I had one but that person doesn't exist any more or not allowed to talk to that person. It seems like I am calm now but it's only a matter of time before it happens and I hope it's not at the wrong person...I worked hard, very hard to be a better person, and this is what I deserve? Is it karma? If so, what did I do? Should I sell my soul just to enjoy life? Do I go to the dark side? Honestly, I am thinking about it. Why shouldn't I?